A conclusions of sorts

It's over a month since I've last blogged and so much has happened. I guess i'll start with my time in Kenya has come to an end. As I write this i have homework piling up in my University studies. Not that i'm complaining. I've come to the conclusion that the life of a student is pretty good. I never thought i'd miss being in the scholarly setting. On a few occasions in Kenya i'd be interviewing someone who had the teaching qualifications of a professor and i remember thinking this is sweet. Haa. Perhaps it's those people who can effectively communication ideas and thoughts that i find myself drawn to.
Although i'm back in cold, snowy Edmonton my mind is often in Kenya. I'm not sure how to explain that. I feel like i understand things differently now. No better or worse then before but just differently. I did end up finishing my report which ended up being pretty long. All it needs is some editing. Although i'll probably still not be satisfied with it. Will i ever be I wonder? Probably not.
I hate the end of things. I peter out. And of course i always regret how i end things. I'm not one to end on very strong notes. My strength is at the beginning of a project. I hate endings.
My internship may have ended in Kenya but I still have work to do. A. Presentation for my school community. Eek. The list doesn't end there but i'll spare you the details.

There is so much to say about the last month. It was filled with some of the most enjoyable experiences ever. In hindsight i wish i wrote every day for you.
In conclusion i can honestly say there is no real conclusion. It's more of a beginning blog to something else. I thank you for following me in this whirlwind of an adventure. This space has rewarded me with a community of people that have given me so much support and encouragement. I hope one day i will have the opportunity to meet with you over a cup of chai mixed with good conversation. Asante sana!

The confessions of a Procrastinator

Oh, sigh. It's been over a week since i last blogged. I confess it is the procrastination in me. I feel like i should be writing something exciting, something with a 'wow' factor. I'm sorry to disappoint you but i've been stuck with my research notes and my word processor. Don't be fooled that doesn't mean i've written the paper. I'd like to say that i've been writing a beautiful, flowing paper full of insight. But that would be a lie. As it stands the most important part of my paper has yet to be written. Fear can drive someone to do something but it can also drive them away from doing something. I've been prolonging the huge effort needed to write the meat of this paper. My audience is not just one professor. Oh how badly i wish it was. This is the part of my internship that i could just skip over with a flying leap and not look back. Well i must go. I'm heading into Nairobi to renew my visa. I'm late so let's hope they don't lock me up or kick me out of the country!

A week of conversations

Well I’m not sure where to begin because I’ve had one super sweet week. It was a much needed restful adventure. I had a wonderous week in Tanzania spending time with a very good friend. The first four day’s were spent on Safari in the Serengeti and Ngorongoro Crater. I’d go into detail about that but my beautiful friend Lindsay did a good job of that so you can check out the details on her blog. (click on her name)
I will say this though. It was a superior safari in that I saw everything except for a rhino. Whatever visual image you have in your head about a safari is probably somewhat true. I felt like I was in the movies. In the sense that here I had some African guides cooking and driving us around to see animals. It’s like going to a resort and all the people on the beach are white. I also kinda felt like I was walking in the foot steps of a National Geographic magazine. When I get home I’m going to see if I can find a National geographic magazine on the Serengeti, etc. For me it was truly awesome to see so many animals in their NATURAL state. I had a hard time prying the binoculars from my face and taking pictures. But I think in addition to that was the landscape. So plain yet so grand and rich.
Being students and all we chose the “cheaper” and more idealistic safari, camping. It felt more safariish. (don’t think that’s a word) At the different campsites we were literally NOT allowed to venture off. Truly! There could be lion around the corner. At the one site walking to my tent I saw a hyena and an elephant. Oh and there were Zebra’s super close to our tents. A little different from raccoons. Haa. Ok enough safari talk. I’m probably missing a lot of information so if you have any questions just ask ok.

The other two day’s in Tanzania was spent on a food security tour of sorts. Basically a few people, CRWRC field officers and partners from Malawi, Zambia and Tanzania were touring different agricultural projects. Such as examples of improved agricultural techniques, food storage, water dams, etc. Those two day’s were enlightening for a few reasons. One we were able to visit different rural communities. The one day we did a two hour walk through their fields. Although it was long and most of us were sunburned it was very refreshing. Why are those who have very little are those who are so generous? During those two day’s I enjoyed numerous conversations with some of the people from Zambia and Malawi. For me it was like a field course ranging from topics such as community development, environmental issues, Biblical thought, social justice issues, etc. Hmm.

Needless to say it was a week of conversations taking me all the way back to my temporary home in Limuru. I’ve posted a few pictures on flickr for your enjoyment. Not near as many as I should be. It’s hard to choose out of a thousand or so pictures what to post. Plus my pictures never do justice. That's all for today. The next three weeks will be spent submerged in paper writing so i apologize if i don't blog a lot. Hope you all have a great week!

I've been holding onto this blog, unsure if i want to post it. I think partly because i don't understand it all and it lacks organization and literary flow. But I must post what was written for you.

Of course the words have to come to me when I’m away from the comfort of my laptop. Perhaps that will formulate a more heart to heart blog. I've been thinking. I apologize if my words offend. Although offending someone is not always a bad thing. I don't want to generalize, merely comment on a statement I’ve heard before and I fear can unknowingly creep into our understanding of Africa. I will confess it has once influenced some of my thoughts and for that I beg forgiveness. I have heard it said Africa is a lost cause. I want those words to sink in. Absorb them. Do they sound familiar?

We hear the statistics of AIDS, death, poverty, etc. And really believe them because they are true. In that context I can understand how one would feel Africa is a lost cause. So much pain and suffering! I can't speak of all of Africa because Africa is a diverse continent. I can only speak of what I have seen and even then I don't understand it all. It's not like living from one pay check to the next. It's like living from one meal to the next, from one rain fall to the next, watching your family die, doing the same thing day in day out for little pay or acknowledgement. That's life! And I barely touched on the whole picture. I merely gave you a starting point.

As an environmental researcher I am here to observe and write what i see. I'm not here to teach, to change anyone, to even really alleviate any poverty. I am here to merely observe and record. A researcher has to be very careful of biases. We must save our opinions and report other people's opinions. I like observing. It allows me to learn from others and get credit for it. It's relaxing for the most part because I get to sit back and watch and learn. Well this is what I’ve learned. Africa is far from being a lost cause.

I'm not going to lie but there is a huge battle taking place in this country. But you know what! There's a war raging through our country. Are we a lost cause? Stop think about that. The most natural answer that comes to mind is no, we are one of the most desired countries to live in for many reasons, economically, socially, security wise, you fill in the blanks. Does that make us better than them? What I am trying to say is before we write off another country we need to take a hard look at the dark spots in our country.

You know what i like about Kenya? (I suspect this exists through out Africa) I love the collectiveness! I yearn for this. It's about belonging. Individualism eats away at the human fabric of society. Kenya has color, diversity, acceptance, love. I've felt love from total strangers. They don't know me, I don't know them and yet they physically open their arms to me. I feel we can learn so much from Africa. She can be our teacher if we allow ourselves to be the pupil. It's hard to allow ourselves to be a pupil when we think we know the answers already. Kenya is really a rich country, but not in the ways our western minds think. There's so much history, culture and traditional knowledge here. Who am I to preach and teach to them? I came here to be an observer and I have become a wide eyed child hungry for more.

You know I’m so thankful for this blog because it is an outlet for my opinions and biases that I have been so careful not to include in my research. I’ve thoroughly appreciated all the comments my online community has been giving. It has been very encouraging and it spurs me on. Blessings to you my friend!

I have SO MUCH to do but i just can't help myself. I miss talking with my online community. (that's you) I have completed the data collecting part of my internship. Although I'm sure survey responses will continue to trickle in. So it's time to hibernate and write. Analyze data, make notes and write. The scariest time for me. It's really when the rubber hit's the road so to speak time.

I've been out of town for the last few day's and will be leaving again for a week. It's a combination of work and play trips. I'm not really sure where to start because so many things have happened.

1st Trip - On Thursday (nov.2) I took a bus to Voi (about 4-6 hours, can't quite remember exactly) to meet up with two very passionate and active men. They have educated me in a number of different ways and for that i'm very grateful. I plan to write a case study on their work. I also was able to meet another man who has affiliated with the Care of Creation. He too had a lot to share with me. I feel i have seen a lot in so little time. Very overwelming. But in a good way. I just hope i don't forget and that i write an adequate report.
Left Voi for Mombasa (the coast). That was one hot Matatu ride. And of course being squished in your sweat mixes with the next person's beside you. Oh by the way have i told you how bumpy the roads are here? Potholes are normal and are expected. In fact i don't even think they are called potholes. Haa. Spent a day and a half at a resort. I feel almost ashamed to admit that. It was hard to enjoy because i couldn't really justify it. I felt truly guilty. Plus it doesn't feel right to be at a resort by yourself. It was almost weird to not be the only white person. Anyhow enough of that.

2nd Trip - Leaving on Friday for Tanzania. Meeting up with a close friend for a Safari and participating in a two day exursion on food security. I'm sure I will have lot's to say after that.

I have a few random things to say. Moments to remember I guess.

1. In one of the community's we visited on Friday there was an old church that was becoming a museum. Here in a community that had no electricty or running water was a church over 100 years old. There was a feeling of reverance and awe being in this old structure. The simplicity of the design gave me a feeling of sacredness. I wish you all could have been there with me and in a way you were! Standing at the pulpit i looked out and could imagine a century of believers coming together to worship their God. This community sat high up in the mountains so looking out the open doors was a truly magnificant sight. A truly awe inspiring moment.

2. We visited a few different families in one community. The children were involved in a program where they took tree seedlings home to plant. (amoung other things) These are children who are either orphans or have lost one parent. (most likely to AIDS) It was there that i realized i will never understand deep poverty. How can i even comprend it? Seeing it definitly exposes me to poverty but really understanding it is something i think i will never know. It was special to see what some people are doing for others who are poverty stricken. Hope exists in leaps and bounds!

Well my friends i know this blog really doesn't cover it all and for that i apologize. I didn't take NEAR enough pictures. Yikes. I will try to post someone ASAP. I am almost down to one month left in this beautiful country. Can you believe it! I'm fighting time now. My plate overfloweth, both in work and in blessings. (i guess work is a blessing too in a way)

In the quiet and hectic moments of your day I ask that you pray for peace in the hearts of all mankind and for the land. Lately in the news there has been a lot said about Saddam Hussein. And somehow despite the crimes against him i feel a broken spirit. Free will is not something to take lightly. I don't want to end on a dark and depressing note. So i will end with a beautiful poem sent to me by my dear sister! Enjoy!

The Slip by Wendell Berry

The river takes the land, and leaves nothing.
Where the great slip gave way in the bank
and an acre disappeared, all human plans
dissolve. An awful clarification occurs
where a place was. Its memory breaks
from what is known now, begins to drift.
Where cattle grazed and trees stood, emptiness
widens the air for birdflight, wind, and rain.
As before the beginning, nothing is there.
Human wrong is in the cause, human
ruin in the effect--but no matter;
all will be lost, no matter the reason.
Nothing, having arrived, will stay.
The earth, even, is like a flower, so soon
passeth it away. And yet this nothing
is the seed of all--the clear eye
of Heaven, where all the worlds appear.
Where the imperfect has departed, the perfect
begins its struggle to return. The good gift
begins again its descent. The maker moves
in the unmade, stirring the water until
it clouds, dark beneath the surface,
stirring and darkening the soul until pain
perceives new possibility. There is nothing
to do but learn and wait, return to work
on what remains. Seed will sprout in the scar.
Though death is in the healing, it will heal.

In the midst of pain and suffering...

My apologies for all those who are looking for a refreshing, uplifting blog, because this is not one of those.
I have an image stuck in my head and it feels best to write about it to release some of it's power over me. Today Tracy and i were in Nairobi doing some grocery shopping and as we were driving I could see up a head a man literally beating a woman with a baby on her back. I've seen people fight before but never where a man is punching a woman in the face. Let alone a woman with a baby on her back. I'm not sure what the argument was, nor do i want to know. Luckily other's came to her aid, so we continued on our way.

It seems such a small insiginifcant thing but yet i find myself thinking about it. A few day's ago a group of 8 muslim woman were gang raped all night long. It got a lot of media attention. And when i say gang raped i don't mean a gang in the sense that we think. It's merely a group of men. Can you even imagine the grief, shame and terror?! Now some of those unmarried women believe they can never marry. (because they are muslim) There are many stories here of abuse, neglect, rape, etc. The words fail me.

How desperate this world is in need of grace. Where do we find ourselves in this picture? Life here certainly puts things in perspective.

Meet Winnie,

Winnie has been working in Care of Creation Kenya’s nursery for two years. Her official title is ‘Nursery Manager.’ Originally she was working in the Environment Department here but when Care of Creation Kenya began they wanted someone who knew about trees. And let me tell you they found the perfect person for the job. I say this out of bias but also she is highly qualified for many reasons. For one, botany is her passion. As a young child she remembers being instilled with creational values. Her father worked in a similar field so naturally Winnie’s love for the Creation has been internalized. Having been brought up in a Christian home she was taught all things are apart of Creation and therefore we must revere it because it all belongs to God of the Creator. In addition her Granny showed her the traditional uses of different herbs. Her supervisor Frances Githaiga speaks very highly of her saying, “She is a hard working, self-driven woman and is of great value to the organization! We often rely on her for plant identification and knowledge of the plant’s uses. She is an avid reader who excels in her field better than many, many others.”
Today Winnie juggles a full time job in the nursery, being a mother and a wife. She has four children ranging from age 2 – 14. Even though this is often very exhausting and overwhelming she carry’s her head high without complaint and with contentedness. She mentions it can sometimes be a challenge as an African woman working as a manager overseeing a handful of staff both female and male. Despite the financial difficulties of working on a very meager salary she carries her burdens gracefully. She can be heard saying, “Her strength is built upon the rock and foundation of Christ.”
Winnie dreams one day of taking a degree in Botany. Growing up her parents could not support her dreams as she had other siblings who had needs also. She remembers at times being sent home for school because she couldn’t pay her school fees. She recalls those day’s to be devastating times. But she still believes in her heart that one day God will help her see her dream through. She say’s you are never too old to go to school. “Where I am is because of God’s leading.” Say’s Winnie. “It is never to late to aspire to my dreams.”
Her words to the world are this. In a world where there is so much pollution causing ozone depletion, global warming, etc, every other person should take seriously. If you care about the air and about future generations you should nurture trees and be environmentally conscious.

Winnie is a kindred spirit who has opened her heart to me. She has welcomed me with open arms. And yet she is reserved and has such humility. I also see her as a courageous, warrior woman. She fights her battles wearing the armor of God. I truly feel drawn to her. May her dreams come true! I think I will write to Opra!